Unspoken

Photo by chuttersnap on Unsplash

Sometimes as I lie in bed,

the weight of everything sitting in my chest,

I turn over and imagine you,

In the empty space beside me.

 

I imagine saying all the things I long to tell you,

Not with words,

but as one soul to another,

through the fragile, broken skin and scars

that hold us together.

 

It starts with a look,

my eyes meet yours,

willing you to see

how scared I am,

how much I want this,

how safe this feels.

I stretch out a hand, and brush the back of my finger

against the edge of one of yours

I am here,

Do you want me?

 

Finger tips to fingers to palms,

intertwined,

as my thumb continues to trace your hand.

Stay with me. Come closer.

I rest my forehead against yours,

our lips close,

but not touching.

I breathe in the air between us,

and as I kiss you

I pull you close, our bodies sliding into place

it is a question and reassurance,

we are fluid

and as our lips part,

I pull closer, my lungs pressed to yours,

our hearts straining,

each beat saying

Trust me. I am here.

Don’t hurt me.

 

And then you kiss me.

 

Something explodes,

the gates are ripped open

as you course through my body,

beating against old scars,

a fire raging inside,

and I know that somewhere

some part of me is scrabbling to rebuild,

to fortify,

but then I feel your skin against mine,

and I remember

it’s you

and I let them burn.

 

I kiss you back,

and let everything charge through it.

Every kiss I longed to plant

in the quiet moments of your smile,

Every word I held back, every thought I dismissed

in the lulls in conversation,

in the beauty of your words,

They surge to the forefront,

passing from my lips

to yours, until the final three,

the ones I have buried deep,

burst through

and an explosion rings out,

but I’m not sure if it’s you or me.

 

The fire inside

screams at this cage of skin and bone,

desperate to be closer,

to chase the other half

that flows in you.

 

The walls have been shattered,

dams burst and everything is free.

It jumps from me to you

a never ending circle,

and the flames grow larger.

 

Our bodies slick,

pressed close

the taste of your skin,

the flash of lights between us,

I can feel something in my chest

aching to be free,

pulling at ribs, at anything so mundane.

 

Lost in the complete turmoil

of this risk, this trust

 

We are laid bare before each other,

the armour smouldering beside us

and I know that at any minute

I could shatter into a million pieces,

that the fire inside

could overwhelm me

that the walls could be erected

that it could all implode,

and I will be a broken,

bloody mess,

lying alone in the wake

and then your lips are on mine,

and I don’t know ¬†where you begin or I end.

 

We slip into each other,

the eye of the storm

and then it stops.

 

We are a tangle of limbs,

somehow fit perfectly together,

and as I nuzzle my head into your neck

there is a promise

unspoken between us

We have survived

we have run free,

and we will still be here in the morning.

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